Saying Goodbye

Well, it looks like we are saying goodbye to 2006. What a year. We are celebrating the new year in style at our home. Mary is on the couch sleeping and I am wondering why I am still awake. I guess I will post this and go to bed.

2007 means a fresh start for me. What was I doing this time last year? I was at home with a pregnant wife who had just miscarried one baby from a set of twins. The first complication of a pregnancy marred by them.

What am I doing this year? Sitting at home hoping for a beautiful child to come from a pregnancy fraught with worry-filled, sleepless nights and no complications, thankfully. We should have known there was a great chance that this pregnancy would be normal. Only after everything that has happened with Robert we cannot think about pregnancy in a normal way.

So on to new things. I am not sad to say goodbye to 2006. And every time I say that I hurt a little. How can I possible forget 2006?

How can I forget Robert? It is not possible. He will always be in my heart. I don't ever want to forget about him. I hope to forget the pain, though. Christmas has been hard. I think about him all the time. I have been to the cemetery three times in less than a week. It has been a while since that was my routine.

How can I forget the goodness I have experienced? We had many reach out to us. We had so many praying for us. I prayed with a concentration born of an extreme situation. I have never felt the power of prayer more often than I have in the last year. Prayer is an indescribably powerful feeling. I believe in now more than ever.

How can I forget how my faith has changed? Robert's birth and death strengthened my faith. I cannot explain exactly how that happened. I did not ask for Robert to die. I prayed that he would not. But he died. And still I felt God's mercy. God does not shield us from every hurt. God gives us strength and His grace to learn, live, and find faith.

But it is time to let go of 2006 and welcome in 2007, my conflicting feelings notwithstanding.

In the end, I am grateful for my friends and family. I could not have pulled through without them. I am grateful for three children. People who meet me will assume I have only two, but all three of them mean so much to me. I am especially grateful and awed by the strength and power of my wife. She is the person that I admire and respect most. 2006 has been hard for both of us. But we are still here. We are still together. And there is still much more for us to do together, I believe. And I love her dearly.

I wish you all a happy new year. It is time to bring on 2007.